Thursday, November 19, 2015
I had an interesting epiphany, an "ah-ha!" moment of sorts, after a conversation I had with my husband. We were discussing deism, atheism & being agnostic.
A little personal background:
Growing up, my parents were what I call lukewarm Christians. We went to the Christmas eve service & Easter Sunday service. And my mother briefly attempted to get me to go to Sunday school, I got kicked out for swearing at the Sunday school teacher, who was also the pastor's wife. My mother got so weird & freaked out at my refusal to believe in God based on her say-so, I actually asked my father if she was from Nelson (a large nearby city, the nearest to my hometown with a mental hospital).
When I was 16, I was hitchhiking across the US & spent most of the summer in San Fransisco. I met a guy from my hometown at the local Buddhist temple (they gave out free vegetarian sandwiches for lunch, every day). We talked a lot, he loaned me several books on Buddha & Buddhism. By the end of the summer I knew what I was , I was a Buddhist. It didn't seem to clash with my atheism, so I suppose I considered myself a hybrid of sorts, a Buddhist/atheist. I didn't think to ask about Buddhist temples in Canada, I just assumed there was none & so I would have to simply practice alone unless I decided in the future to return to the US. I am not sure why I assumed that, perhaps because I thought that the US was cooler than Canada, more open-minded. I was very pleased when I was 19, to discover that there are a number of Buddhist temples in the Vancouver area.
So, the other day we're having this discussion about beliefs & he asked me how I could be sure there was no God, & if so what proof did I have? That got me thinking & what I finally came up with is this: I suppose whether I would be considered an atheist or an agnostic, would depend on the definition of God you were using, as a basis for the question. Is it possible, even if very unlikely, that the Universe was created by some Supreme Being? It depends on the definition. If you are asking me if I believe the Universe was created by the God depicted in the Bible, FUCK NO!!!! I've read the Bible & I cannot wrap my head around the idea of someone that evil, creating us & supposedly loving us. Is a Creator possible? I don't know, maybe. So perhaps I am more an agnostic than atheist.
What I am absolutely certain of, is this whole subject makes my brain hurt.